This site was made to help familiarize and prepare people of all colours and creeds (not just “White”!) about some of the events that occur at a “Brown” (specifically Sikh) wedding in Canada. The things you will learn here are meant to aid in you feeling the most comfortable and informed during a Sikh wedding of a loved one.
This site was designed and developed by a web and graphic designer who is “Brown,” and edited by an engineer who is “White.” We also happen to be getting married.
Growing up in a multicultural city like Toronto, you meet people from all over the world and they become your friends and family. So obviously, you would want these important people to be present on your special day. But when so many different people get invited, most of them would have questions regarding the events.
We looked up sites that could explain things, but they were too often text heavy, used a lot of (Punjabi) words that most Canadians wouldn't know, and the information wasn’t always clearly organized. But the biggest thing that really made us want to make this site was the fact that none of them looked at what would make OTHER people attending a Sikh wedding really feel like they could participate in it, instead of just watching it from a distance.
On this site you can learn about some of the important events and traditions of a Sikh wedding that you may not know about.
These include, but aren't limited to: FOOD (What you’ll be eating), CLOTHES (What you can wear), and EVENTS (Why they always say Indian weddings are a week long). We recommend that you read through all the sections if you want to be the most prepared, but if it’s the night before the big day, just look over our TOP 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW.
Remember, even after reading all of this, you may feel nervous or curious about things happening. That is totally expected, but remember the most important thing, like all weddings, is this is a celebration! This website was made specifically for our friends and family, but feel free to share this site! We want to help everyone have the best time at all Sikh weddings! (How could you not? They are always open bar.)
Please Note: Anything written on this site is not meant to offend anyone, “Brown,” “White” or anyone else. We genuinely wanted this site to be clear and informative, while being fun to read. In addition, if there are events or parts that will be happening at your wedding that we failed to mention, remember that every community and family has different ideas of what and when things happen. Lastly, please forgive us if you find any information that may be incorrect or unclear. We appreciate your time for viewing our site and we hope you learned everything you need through the White Guide to Brown Weddings.
1. BRING CASH MONEY. Things you may need it for: a small donation at the temple (Gurdwara) when you first walk into the hall ($5 or below) and as a little gift immediately after the ceremony to the bride and groom ($5 and up). Please Note: These are all optional.
2. PRACTICE SITTING ON THE FLOOR. You’re going to want to be comfortable as everyone sits cross-legged on the floor during a Sikh wedding ceremony, as well as the meal before and after. This represents that everyone is equal. Try to wear pants or a looser skirt.
3. PARSHAD is given out after the ceremony is completed. It’s made with sugar, whole wheat flour & butter. You should take it with your hands cupped together. If you can’t eat it, please accept it anyways and give it to someone else instead of throwing it out.
4. COVER YOUR HEAD AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES when in the temple (Gurdwara) as sign of respect. You’ll have either a bandana (given at a the temple) to show if you're on the groom's or bride's side. Women also wear scarves which they have to bring themselves.
5. EARLY MORNING START. Sikh weddings often begin around 8:30 to 9:30 am, as the ceremony typically ends before noon. To take the edge off, there will be snacks and tea at the temple before the ceremony begins.
6. SERVING DELICIOUS VEGETARIAN INDIAN FOOD. There’s snacks before and a meal after the ceremony itself. Same goes for the reception, except there will be meat (including butter chicken). There will be an appetizer course when you enter and dinner served later in the evening.
7. DRESS TO IMPRESS. This is a great opportunity to try something different. Many of the Indian people there will even be wearing western suits or dresses though, so do whatever feels most comfortable. Sparkles are highly recommended!
8. THERE ARE MULTIPLE EVENTS leading up to the wedding. They can range from large to small. Some weddings have more, some have less, and thankfully you’ll get an invitation to the ones you’re asked to attend.
9. YOU'LL HAVE HELP. Most temples (Gurdwaras) have signs up in English for visitors who might not be used to the layout. There’s also usually a projector describing the ceremony as it happens. Feel free to ask people around you if you have questions as well!
10. CASH IS THE TYPICAL WEDDING GIFT for a Sikh wedding and can be given at the reception in a envelope. Hand off to the parents of the couple, or place in the usually-sparkly box. This means no wedding registry!
Brown weddings are famous for having a week of different events leading up to the ceremony. Depending on how much work the wedding party wants to go through, it could be anything from 7 different events during the week, to a small ceremony & reception. In Canada, Indian weddings are changing. Originally smaller events that happened through out the week are often merged into one or two events to make it easier for people attending and people hosting. And, depending on how close you are to the couple getting married, you might find yourself invited to just one, or two, or all of them - check your invitations to see what you might be going to.
Here’s a list of some examples with typical invitees, food you might see, and likely dress code. Please remember that every wedding is different, some might be more or less formal, or have different groups invited.
A small event that happens leading up to the wedding, often on a weekend before. The main attraction of this event is the exchanging of gifts between the bride and the groom’s families. One of the highlights include the groom’s family bringing a beautifully elaborate scarf (chunni) to place on the bride. This is a medium or small event.
Location: The bride’s parents' house, typically.
Invitees: The wedding party, close family/friends of the bride and groom.
Food: Appetizers, followed by lunch or dinner.
Dress code: “Casual”, nothing too fancy. You won’t go wrong with either wearing Western or Indian clothes.
Indian: Indian Suit for ladies. Best to stick with Western, fellas.
Western: Pants, with a nice blouse or casual dress, ladies. Jeans and a nice shirt for men.
A small event that happens leading up to the wedding, often a few days before. The highlight of this event is putting the goopy mixture of turmeric and yogurt (and possibly other things) on the bride and/or groom's face, arms and legs. Everyone invited to this event gets to join in this fun, as it’s meant to help the couple have clear, radiant skin for their upcoming wedding. This is a medium or small event.
Location: The bride or groom’s parents' house, typically.
Invitees: The wedding party, close family/friends of the bride and/or groom.
Food: Appetizers, followed by lunch or dinner.
Dress code: “Casual” nothing too fancy. You won’t go wrong with either wearing Western or Indian clothes.
Indian: Indian Suit for ladies. Best to stick with Western, fellas.
Western: Pants, with a nice blouse or casual dress, ladies. Jeans and a nice shirt for men.
A party that happens leading up to the wedding, often on a weekday night. Things you will see: Families singing traditional songs about marriage with a drum, and a dance performed by the family that also tells stories (called Jagoo). For everyone else, there’s dancing to Punjabi music and top 40. This event can be large, medium or small depending on the couple.
SPECIAL NOTE: Often, some of the other events are fused with this one. The CHUNNI CEREMONY and/or VATNA may happen during this event as well.
Location: Check your invitation to see if it’s in banquet hall, restaurant, or at a house.
Invitees: Typically the wedding party and close family/friends, although not the entire guest list.
Food: Appetizers, followed by dinner and drinks.
Dress code: “Semi-formal.” Basically think of this as your second best outfit, as you’re saving the best for the reception! You won’t go wrong with either wearing Western or Indian clothes.
Indian: Indian Suit for ladies. Shalwar Kameez for men.
Western: Short or long semi-formal dress, with a touch of bling for ladies. Dress shirt, dress pants for men.
A party where the bride gets her henna (mendhi) applied, as well as her bridesmaids and other close female family/friends. Henna is powdered leaves that is used to create temporary tattoos (lasts about a week) on typically hands or feet. This event also happens often on a weekday before the wedding and can start in the mid-afternoon or evening, depending on the family. If you’re wondering about tips to keep you henna looking amazing, ask the person applying it for you, or a fellow “Brown Auntie” near you. At Brown weddings, you often get a lot of new “family.”
Location: The bride’s parents' house, typically.
Invitees: The wedding party, close family/friends of the bride.
Food: Snacks and home-cooked or catered dinner or lunch.
Dress code: Something casual, but also something you can pull back your sleeves if you’re getting henna done!
Indian: Indian Suit for ladies. Shalwar Kameez for men.
Western: Jeans and a shirt for both men and women. Easy!
PERSONAL TIP: Remember if you’re driving to make it your less dominant hand!
At some point before the wedding at one of these events, you may get a red bracelet, typically made of thread and a bead, as a sign that you are involved in a wedding this week and are close to the couple! Keep it on until after the reception to show your love to the newly weds.
Right before the wedding, early in the morning, the bride and groom’s families will meet before the actual ceremony. They dance, introduce themselves to each other, and give each other a big hug. Example: The groom and bride’s Dads will hug! Cute!
Location: Right in front of the temple (Gurdwara).
Invitees: Everyone invited to the wedding who's awake that early!
Food: None, but breakfast is served as soon as the wedding starts, don’t worry.
Dress code: Whatever you’re wearing to the ceremony.
Indian: Indian Suit or Lehenga for ladies. If you have experience, then a Sari. Shalwar Kameez for men.
Western: Short or long semi-formal dress, with a touch of bling for ladies. Suit, with or without the jacket for men.
It’s a wedding ceremony, click here to read the Sikh Wedding Ceremony Protocol for more details.
Location: A Sikh temple, or Gurdwara.
Invitees: Everyone!
Food: Breakfast before and a vegetarian lunch afterwards.
Dress code: Suit-and-tie or Indian clothing, nice and colourful.
Indian: Indian Suit or Lehenga for ladies. If you have experience, then a Sari. Shalwar Kameez for men.
Western: Short or long semi-formal dress, with a touch of bling for ladies. Suit, with or without the jacket for men.
It’s a wedding reception, be prepared to dance all night and gorge yourself on tasty Indian food.
Location: Usually a banquet hall.
Invitees: Everyone!
Food: Snacks, dinner and dessert.
Dress code: Formal, either Indian or Western, nice and colourful.
Indian: Indian Suit, Lehenga or Sari for ladies. Shalwar Kameez for men.
Western: Ballroom or NYE dress, with a lot of bling for ladies. Suits for men.
We have no good answer to this very valid question. Maybe it's because the people of Punjab were historically farmers, and farmers get up early. Maybe the first Guru was just a morning person. But the main thing about traditions is that they don't change to suit the current fads, like staying up late to watch Letterman or not owning livestock. So, we apologize in advance for the early morning. However, we will shower you with interesting breakfast snacks and tea to take the edge off.
The bride's family will receive the groom's family at the temple around 9:00 am for the Ardas (short prayer). If you arrive after that and don't see anyone standing outside, come inside the temple, eat breakfast and mingle in the langar hall. Make sure to remove your shoes as you enter the temple, and try to get your bandana from the groom or bride's family to wear. After a short period of time, everyone will move to a room with a carpeted aisle to the holy book in the center.
You will now find yourself in a large room, at the front of which is the Guru Granth Sahib (physically a book, like the Bible, but revered and treated in many ways as a living guru). As people enter the room, they walk up the aisle to the Guru Granth Sahib and place a modest (optional) offering in a box placed before it and bow down in front. Bowing down in front means kneeling before the Guru Granth Sahib and touching your forehead to the floor. After bowing to the Guru Granth Sahib, women sit on the left-hand side of the room, and men on the right-hand side. If you don't feel comfortable bowing down in front of the Guru Granth Sahib, you can walk in and seat yourself. Most people will sit cross-legged on the floor, but you can also sit with your legs to one side if that's more comfortable. Undoubtedly, you will shift and feel restless, or your leg will fall asleep. That's all normal, no one can judge you.
Floor sitting tip: Wriggle your toes to keep your feet from falling asleep.
As the temple fills up with guests, there will be musicians singing sacred hymns from the holy scriptures. The groom arrives with his family in the inner sanctum first. He bows down and seats himself in front of the Guru Granth Sahib. The bride enters with her parents and is seated to the left of the groom. Close female relatives and friends of the bride and groom sit nearby.
The bride, groom and their parents will stand for another Ardas (short prayer). The father of the bride will formally hand the end of the scarf draped over the groom’s shoulder into her hands, while the musicians sing. This symbolizes the giving away of the bride.
The main part of the ceremony consists of the bride and groom walking around the Guru Granth Sahib during the laavan phere (encircling the holy book). The Granthi (priest) will read the first of the laavan (hymns) and then musicians will sing the same hymn while the bride and the groom circle the Guru Granth Sahib in a clockwise direction. This takes place four times, once for each of the four laavan that make up the ceremony. In short, each laav (singular of laavan) provides spiritual guidance to the couple in their married life.
Not even close. The Guru Granth Sahib is written in the Gurmukhi script, which consists of Hindi and Punjabi dialects, as well as Sanskrit, Persian and Arabic. But don't feel bad, even some Punjabi speakers won't understand all of it.
Well mostly. But you do get to stand up and stretch your legs a bit. After the laavan phere are completed, the whole congregation will stand and join in an Ardas (prayer).
After the ceremony is completed, someone will come around to distribute parshad, which is made of equal parts butter, sugar and flour. You will receive a small amount directly into your hands (please cup both hands together to accept the parshad.) It is prepared and distributed from one large bowl to all in the congregation as a sign of equality and unity. Even if you cannot or do not want to eat the parshad, you should accept it. If you don't want yours, give it to a neighbour. It's yummy! Not sure what to do? Just watch what other people are doing and copy it.
Yep. The couple will remain seated, but you can get up! The parents of the bride and groom and family and friends will line up behind the couple to bless and greet the newly wedded couple with garlands and/or offerings of money and to often get a photo with the bride and groom.
Please feel free to join in and do the same if you'd like (blessings of money are totally optional). Otherwise, head back to the langar hall for lunch afterwards.
Yes, although it may be hard to get a shot that doesn't just include people's backs. You might want to wait until after the ceremony.
It’s a wedding, so you’re going to want to look supafly. Indian people really like colours and embroidery more than you often see with western clothing and, as a rule, the brighter and shinier you look, the fancier. You can honestly show up in whatever you would normally wear - there’s no expectation to try anything new. A lot of your fellow brown people these days wear western formal wear for events, so you’ll see plenty of Sikh guys in suits and ties.
BONUS: Punjabi shoes (Jutti). They are a lot like what you'd imagine Aladdin wearing! (NOTE: BREAK THEM IN BEFORE GOING TO THE EVENT IN THEM. A Brown guy has warned you.)
PERSONAL TIP: “Want to do a little bit of what you know and something new? I find that men and women both enjoy wearing Indian clothes for the wedding ceremony, and go western during the reception. Women who wear Indian suits in the morning enjoy feeling colourful and festive, while having a scarf they can use to cover their head. Men enjoy the comfort and fabric of a Shalwar Kameez when sitting for long periods of time. Both outfits are also the cheapest in our list and can easily be borrowed from a Brown Buddy!” - Your Fellow Brown Girl
“Totally agree. The wedding ceremony is probably the spot where you might feel the most out of your element - you’re in the middle of a cultural and religious hub, the Gurdwara or temple, that you may not have experience with. Wearing Indian clothes for the ceremony helps you fit in. Everyone’s been to a reception, so you do you!” - Your Fellow White Guy
There’s only 2 rules in the temple. No shoes and cover your head. We’ll discuss each one in detail.
First Rule: Regardless of what you’re wearing, no shoes are to be worn in the temple for either men or women. I REPEAT, NO SHOES WILL BE WORN IN THE TEMPLE. There’ll be a place to take off your shoes right near the front door. You can keep your socks on.
Second Rule: You must cover your head in the temple. It’s a sign of respect in a holy place. You don’t have to hide all of your hair - feel free to show it! Just cover the top of your head. Both men and women (and kids) can wear bandanas to do this. The groom and brides’ families will have bandanas for everyone in the wedding, often in a specific colour for each side. These are yours to keep. If not, there’s bandanas available at the Gurdwara for you to borrow. Ladies also have an option of wearing a long scarf (Chunni) and men also have an option of wearing a turban.
PLEASE NOTE: There’s nothing wrong or “offensive” with showing skin at the Gurdwara (temple). (Bare shoulders, legs, waist, neckline, etc.)
It’s good to wear pants because you’re sitting down a lot of the time! No chairs, just milk crates sometimes, and they are for older people! DON’T TAKE THEM FROM PEOPLE WHO NEED IT, YOUNG’IN.
Ladies: This might not be the time for cocktail dresses and mini-skirts. You’ll definitely get a cramp if you can’t sit cross-legged on the floor, for both the full ceremony (over an hour and a half) and the meals before/afterwards.
For ladies, if you’re more comfortable wearing something you own, this is a great time to bring out your ball gown or a long NYE dress. People typically wear longer saris or lehengas. Sparkly is good! Glam it up!
Remember: You’ll be dancing, and a lot. It’ll go all night, and the music will still be happening at 3AM. Take that into account with what shoes you wear. If you still want those magical pumps, after a few songs, take them off and throw them under your table and get to it!
Fellas, suit and tie, like everywhere else.
A brown wedding will give you a bunch of opportunities to try out some delicious Indian food, since everybody pulls out all the favourites for a big party. Even if Indian food isn’t typically your thing, there’s a lot of simple staples like rice, salad, naan, yogurt, and grilled vegetables. It is usually served buffet-style, so grab what looks and smells amazing and nom on. For the wedding, happening at temples (Gurdwaras), only vegetarian food is served. But worry not my fellow meatatarians, you’ll get plenty of butter chicken at the reception.
The ceremony is super-early but to make up for it you get fed twice, so it’s a pretty good deal. On arrival you’ll get the chance to try:
Chai: Sweet, milky, delicious tea with some spices in it (Spoilers: it’s basically pumpkin spice).
Pakoras: Like spicy Indian tempura. EAT WITH KETCHUP. SO GOOD.
Samosas: Fried dough stuffed with potato, peas, & deliciousness inside.
Indian Sweets (Mithai): Super sweet desserts made from milk, sugar, nuts and probably unicorn giggles. (THEY ARE ALL THE COLOURS) (Look down at desserts to see a more complete list).
After the ceremony you’ll be treated to a vegetarian meal (so that everyone can enjoy the meal) - but you won’t notice because it’ll be covered in flavour and tastiness. The meal will be served in a langar hall, where you’ll grab a plate and sit on the floor to be served. Everyone will be sitting with you, and meals are served like this to signify that we are all equal. (Brown Fact: Gurdwaras serve food 24/7, free of charge and made completely by volunteers). You’ll probably get:
Roti: Soft flatbread
Lentils (Daal)
Cooked Veggies
Yogurt: Sometimes with little pieces of fried chickpea flour or cucumber
Rice Pudding (Kheer)
Pickled Mango
Italian weddings get a pretty big reputation for having lots of food, but Indian weddings can be just as devastating to your belt loops. Ignoring any cocktail hour and finger foods when you show up, there’s usually a full appetizer course shortly after you arrive. You’ll see:
Tadoori Chicken: The fire red colour doesn’t mean it’s that hot!
Chaat: This is either assembled for you, or you can make it yourself. It consists of fried, salty dough, chickpeas, onions, potatoes, yogurt and tamarind sauce.
Fried Fish
Spring Rolls: We’re Asian too!
Grilled Vegetables
More Samosas!
Pro tip: It’s delicious, but graze lightly on this one because after the speeches and first dance… then comes a big dinner! It’s almost always buffet-style and always full of delicious Punjabi food like:
Naan: soft flatbread like before
Butter Chicken
Curried Goat
Butter Paneer (Curried Cheese)
Salad
Rice
Grilled Vegetables
Possibly the best part of the entire wedding, Indian desserts are as tasty as they are varied. Indian people give out sweets as small gifts all the time, so there’s plenty of variety and tastes to try out. Be sure to check out:
Ladoos: Classic, orange Indian balls of deliciousness.
Rasmalai: Soft, sweet cheese in a sweet milk sauce.
Burfi: Like a fruit- or nut-flavoured fudge.
Gulab Jamun: like Timbits in a honey sauce.
Mango Ice Cream
During the reception, there is often a dessert table with more western desserts available (Brown people love pastries too!).
Indian food at weddings is typically less spicy than restaurant food. This is because there’s lots of people there and not everybody loves it super-hot. Each dish is different, not every one is going to be full of chilis, but it’s good to take a small bit if you’re not sure. Don’t worry if you end up lining up again to get more - there’s definitely going to be enough food so you can go back for seconds. To really make sure things would be alright for you, we assembled a team of brave White Test Subjects to try their luck out at a couple of Indian weddings. Only one didn’t come back - and apparently he’s just still eating.
Feeling a little hot? Grab some yogurt. It’s intended to cool down your mouth if you need it - or, if you’re in luck, there will be some mango lassi too.
Wait, what's mango lassi?
noun: mango lassi, plural: mango lassis
Note: There’s always Butter Chicken. Who can say no to Butter Chicken? Did I mention Butter Chicken?
1. Is there gonna be food I can eat?
Indian food is served almost exclusively at an Indian wedding. (Go figure). At the ceremony, the food will all be vegetarian and there will be no liquor. At the reception, there will be meat options, snacks, and definitely liquor. Learn more in the FOOD section.
2. What should I bring as a wedding gift?
The safest bet is to give cash. It isn’t typical for an Indian wedding to have gifts or a registry. If they do, it will say so on the card.
3. Do I need to buy a sah-ree? Is that how it’s pronounced?
No, you don’t need to buy a sari or any other Indian outfit for that matter. They are completely optional.
4. What if I want to? Where can I get one?
Learn more by checking out the CLOTHES section of our site to find out if a sari is what you really want. You can get some in Brampton from a variety of Indian stores, or ask a friend to borrow one.
5. Do I need to cover my head or something? Is there something I need to avoid wearing (low-cut dresses, showing midriff, boots, I don’t know?)
You only need to cover your head and take off your shoes inside the temple to show respect. You do not have to be worried about wearing anything that is showing your legs, arms or midriff. Just cover your butt when you’re sitting on the ground, and that’s more for the people behind you, and not anything to do with the temple. Learn more by viewing our WEDDING PROTOCOL.
6. When I get there, where do I sit?
People are usually outside the temple in the beginning of the wedding, and then move inside for snacks. You sit on the floor with friends and family. When entering inside the hall for the actual ceremony, men sit on the right side, and women on the left, regardless of whether you are on the groom or bride's side. Learn more by viewing our WEDDING PROTOCOL.
7. What kind of stuff happens at the ceremony?
You didn’t even bother looking around the site, did you? No worries, learn more by viewing our WEDDING PROTOCOL.
8. Do I need to cover up any tattoos at any functions or events, especially at the wedding?
Do not worry about tattoos of any sort. You're perfect, so come as you are!
9. Will there be an elephant?!
No there are no elephants... Sometimes there’s a horse. But it’s an extravagant extra thing to do in general.
10. Do I have to be white to use this site?
Absolutely not! This is a site for everyone to learn about Indian, specifically Sikh, weddings! Learn more by viewing our ABOUT section.